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“I can’t remember the last time I finished reading a book and wanted to applaud…. Life-changing.” —Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, author of Focus
If you picked up this book because you want to increase your confidence, you are not alone. Like most people, you probably think that being highly confident would make you more likable, more employable, and more successful. But you’d be wrong.
In this paradigm-shifting book, world-renowned personality expert Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic reveals that, beyond making you feel good, high confidence has no genuine benefits, and it may even be self-destructive. Low confidence, however, helps us make realistic risk assessments, protects us from disastrous situations, and encourages us to become more competent—which is the real key to achievement. Intelligent and thought-provoking, Confidence shows you how to make your insecurities work for you in every facet of life.
“Maybe you have always intuited…that all the talk about boosting self-confidence and raising self-esteem is not the answer to success or happiness. This charming and thoroughly fact-based book will give you the evidence to back your wisdom, that being kind and competent works best.”—Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person and The Undervalued Self
- Sales Rank: #483340 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-10-17
- Released on: 2013-10-17
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
31 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
How and why "low confidence is the result of failure but the source of success"
By Robert Morris
In this thoughtful and thought-provoking book, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic observes, "The main difference between people who lack confidence and those who don't is that the former are unable (or unwilling) to distort reality in their favor. That's right, the successful distortion of reality is the chief underlying reason so many people don't experience low confidence when they should. Whereas pessimism leads to realism, optimism promotes the fabrication of alternative realities -- lying, not to others, but to themselves."
In this context, I am reminded of Bud Tribble's comments about Steve Jobs, quoted by Walter Isaacson in his biography of the insanely great innovator: "Steve has a reality distortion field. In his presence, reality is malleable. He can convince anyone of practically anything. It wears off when he's not around, but it makes it hard to have realistic schedules." According to Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, "His reality distortion is when he has an illogical vision of the future, such as telling me that I could design the BREAKOUT game in just a few days. You realize that it can't be true, but he somehow makes it true." Debi Coleman recalls, "He reminded me of Rasputin. He laser-beamed in on you and didn't blink. It didn't matter if he was serving purple Kool-Aid. You drank it." Isaacson adds, "At the root of the reality distortion field was Jobs's belief that the rules didn't apply to him." In this and in countless other respects, Steve Jobs was indeed one-of-a-kind.
For most of us, Chamorro-Premuzic asserts -- and I agree -- that we should not aspire to have high confidence, but to have high competence. If we focus on achievement, it will increase self-confidence naturally diminishing low self-esteem, insecurity, and self-doubt. Presumably Chamorro-Premuzic agrees with Henry Ford about the importance of attitude: ""Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right." Presumably, Ford would agree with him about the importance of competence. Let's add Thomas Edison to the discussion. He observed, "Vision without execution is hallucination." Confidence based on competence, on achievement, is no delusion. It has been earned through productive effort. In an important sense, competence speaks for itself...especially to those who gain it.
These are among the dozens of business subjects and issues of special interest and value to me, also listed to indicate the scope of Chamorro-Premuzic's coverage.
o Most Confident People Are Deluded, and, Ignorance Ain't Bliss (Pages 12-15 and 15-19)
o The Confidence -- Competence Grid (28-34)
o You Can Benefit from Insecurities (35-40)
o Successful People Are Rarely Themselves (53-56)
o If Character Is Destiny, Reputation Is Fate (64-70)
o Everyone's A Psychologist (73-77)
o Three Things That Top Performers Do Better (102-112)
o How to Master Interpersonal Relations (117-120)
o The Toxicity of High Social Confidence (124-126)
o The Adaptive Side of Lower Social Conscience (126-132)
o Influencing Others (141-147)
o The Unhealthy Side of High Confidence (183-197)
o All You Need Is a Bit of Willpower & Low Confidence (207-210)
o Success Is the Best Medicine for Your Insecurities (211-214)
o A More Competent, Less Confident World (217-220)
Chamorro-Premuzic urges his readers to aspire not to have high confidence, but to have high competence. He show them "how to make that happen" in this book. I commend him on his skillful use of reader-friendly devices as he explains why people should aspire not to have high confidence, but to have high competence. They include relevant and thought-provoking quotations throughout the narrative; bullet point and numeric checklists of key points, dates, sequence steps, etc.; strategic placement of subheads (e.g. "Self-Knowledge Matters More Than Self-Belief" on Page 84 and "Embracing Low Confidence" on Page 211; and a "Using It" section at the conclusion of Chapters 1-7 to facilitate effective application of relevant information, insights, and counsel.
In his final paragraph, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic observes cites and then responds to an observation: "According to Alfred Adler, 'To be human is to feel inferior.' Perhaps, but competence gains relieve our natural feelings of inferiority, at least temporarily. Indeed, inferiority [begin italics] motivates [end italics] us to try to achieve things. The more weaknesses you perceive in yourself, the more you will be motivated to improve, and the harder [and smarter] you will work. Low confidence is the result of failure but the source of success."
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting theory but puzzling explanation
By Reader2.0
I liked the book and I like and support the main point the author makes, and yet we know from children that the only way to raise them to a healthy form of confidence is to give them a feeling of competence. That this mechanism must equally apply to adults is quite straightforward. So far so good.
What I really found confusing though, is that the author seems to contradict his own theory in several points. But I'm inclined to attribute this to his writing skills which could definitely improve.
However, I was very puzzled to read that after lengthy explanations on how overconfident people are a turn-off to others especially when they can not back-up their confidence by competence, I should fake confidence in order to apear more competent than I really am. How does this fit together? Then yet, I shouldn't overdo it, so 7.4 fake confidence is ok, but 8.9 is not, or is faked confidence that is not backed-up by competence better than true confidence that is not backed-up by confidence and can confidence not backed-up by competence be true confidence at all? I'm sorry, but I think the author needs to get his definitions straight her, it's too confusing and that's a shame because his message is otherwise great.
Another point that left a nasty taste in my mouth are his ideas on the reason and meaning of depression, who ever has been so unfortunate to be clinically depressed or had someone close be severly depressed knows that this is a very serious and deathly illness and by no means something one should be happy about or embrace. I personally know several young people who commited suicide after long and severe periods of depression and I really doubt that this is an evolutionary advantage.
The third point that buged me was his idea on anxiety being a driving force to improvement. I see his point, and for a person with average lower confidence this might very likely motivate improvement. However, what about people with extremely low confidence levels who practically shy away from every challenge, who give up at an early stage because they don't believe they can improve?
I think the author makes things too easy on himself when he claims that very low confidence can simply be overcome with more competence. My experience is that one needs a certain level of confidence in order to gain competence otherwise one lacks the resilience to manage the tougher phases of competence gains.
Otherwise I think this is a very nice and valid book.
13 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
I am no longer deceived
By C. Groves
I really needed to hear this message. I always thought that high confidence was a key to success, and sometimes i would end up faking it to try to succeed. They say the truth will set you free, and so it does. This book proves that overconfidence is detrimental to success, and in most cases underconfidence aids success and improvment. The author also acknowledges that you need to appear confident for others to think you are competent, but says not let that communication of competence go to your head.
Its been 4 days so far since i read the book, and I will say that my social interactions have much improved since taking a humble/low confidence approach to my interactions. I make less social mistakes and when I am not confident or nervous it no longer flusters me because i know that my underconfidence might actually be benifiting me, as opposed to feeling like it is hurting me.
I also tested low confidence vs faked high confidence attitudes on some brain games i have. The scores while acting humble were almost twice as high as focusing on being supercondident. Maybe this happened because focusing on confidence was distracting and may have also keptme disengaged. Also acting humble/lowconfidence got me some of the highest scores i have ever gotten on these brain games (see luminosity). I realize this story isn't science but it helped me believe the ideas in book more.
The only drawback is that the book can be redundant at times and a 2 out of the 8 chapters were uninteresting to me.(health and dating chapters) It gave some vague advice on these topics compared to other books dedicated to the subjects. I still give it 5 stars because debunking my belief in confidence, especially fake/over confidence, seems to be one of the most helpful things I have ever gained from a book. If believe in confidence like I did, and want to be convinced otherwise, read this book!
(Edit after 10 days of application)
i still give this book a 5 stars, but i must give a word of caution, let me explain: For 10 days now i have been focusing on being less and less confident as a means to realize my flaws and make strides to improve upon them. For most things it is working to some degree but i have found myself stressed and am wondering why. It seems to me that at some level the feeling of confidence is a biological marker that things are good, that you have what you need and do not lack. While this feeling of contentment can hinder improvement i believe it is an important emotion, and trying to rid of it for the sake of improvement and success is dangerous. Please know that the author does not say to kill all confidence always, but he also does not warn against it, so i thought i would share my experience with you in hopes that you wouldn't try to kill all confidence like i did, which for me, led ultimately to too much stress and discomfort. I still feel the message of this book is very important but I also think confidence has benefits, especially for health. Finding a the right balance between confidence and lack of confidence, depending on the situation, seems to be the way to go, at least for me
(Edit after a year)
Im going to knock 2 stars off, from 5 to 3.
Reason for first star removal: I think the authors view of confidence is kinda black and white. I think confidence is complex. To me confidence is a better thing than the author makes it out to be. I think confidence is a natural reward for competence and should be viewed in a positive light. Fake confidence on the other hand messes up this natural reward for confidence, and may mess up the ability of the brain to predict and strive for success. I think the author did a good job of cutting down fake confidence but took it to far and ended up forming a bias that confidence is bad in most cases. Anyway I don't think confidence is black and white, its more of a spectrum. I do still think the interpretation of low confidence as a motivator is valid, and low confidence is not necessarily a bad thing.
Reason for second star knock off: I dont think this book made mine or the people I interact with much better, aside from stimulating some thought about the subject.
Sorry if I misled anyone.
God bless
Cody
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